My Life as a Rainbow: Come Out When You're Ready*

Chapter Nine

National Coming Out Day is a kick ass day for any rainbow to just come out and celebrate their success of accepting who they are. Of course just because the holiday is called “National Coming Out Day”, it doesn’t mean you literally have to come out.



For those of you who are still in the closet about their homosexuality, it’s ok. I understand your reasons why you wish to remain secret. It’s really hard for any rainbow to come out of their shell when it comes to their sexual orientation. Especially since there are still people out there who can be hostile towards the LGBT community.

Some people are going to try and pressure you to come out because it “might help you feel better” or “the society is more accepting now”. Come out when you want to, not because you have to. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do.

Part of accepting your homosexuality is when you come out to yourself at your own time without any pressure. I remember when I first realize I was a lesbian, I was really scared. I started noticing my attraction for women when I was sixteen years old. For two whole years I was in the closet about my sexual orientation since I felt ashamed and I knew if my family found out, it would be a riot.

I was raised to believe that people who were gay or lesbian were evil and sinful and were automatically going to hell. At that time I tried to pray my gayness away and I know it sounds really silly but I was naive at the beginning. I was in denial for a bit because I was terrified at the thought of being rejected by my own family.

But as time went by, I started to realize I'm not here to follow my family's expectations of what a "proper" woman should be because I'm following mine. Yes it was extremely hard coming out since my family didn't support me at the beginning and not all of them still do but I really don't care what they think. It's my life to live, not theirs.

The only thing I regret doing is being forced to come out to my aunt when she made me answer her question about my orientation. I felt like I was being put into this uncomfortable spotlight and I felt really vulnerable. I felt that my aunt didn't really respected me and my feelings when she decided to tell my whole family behind my back. It made the whole process of coming out really horrible.

During those dark times however, I began to grow. I started to realize what I'm really about and who I am as an LGBT individual. I slowly started to accept myself and love myself. Even though my coming out experience wasn't all that positive, at least I know who's really there for me and who's there to support me.  

For the ones who support the LGBT community, don’t force them to come out, it makes the process of acceptance a lot harder than it should be. Don’t put them in the spotlight either or it’ll turn out a bit ugly. To my rainbow brothers and sisters, when you’re ready to come out, the rest of us will be waiting for you in open arms. Till then however, take your time and don’t worry.

*Originally published on October of 2011