My Life As A Rainbow: What Part of “I’m a Lesbian” Don’t You Understand?

Chapter Four

“Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a Lesbian.”
- Fran Lebowitz



Guys when you do end up bumping into a lesbian please don’t act stupid. It’s one thing to be curious about our love for women, it’s another to try and make an ass about it. If we’re not into you, it means WE’RE NOT INTO YOU.


[Chatting online via web cam with an ex-friend name Matt.]
Matt: So…How can you like girls if you never had sex with a man?
Me: The same way how you like girls and you never did it with a guy.
Matt: Oh…Have you seen a penis before?
Me: Yeah.
Matt: So? What you think?
Me: I think penises look gross and discussing.
Matt: Oh…Are you a virgin?
Me: Yeah…
Matt: Well how can you like girls if you’re a virgin? I mean you never had any experiences with any girls or guys.
Me: [sigh] that doesn't mean anything. Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I don’t know what I like.
Matt: Oh…
[None of us says anything so I went back to type up something for my paper. When I went back to talk to Matt, I end up seeing his penis on cam. So I quickly exit out of web cam.]
Matt: Hey come back.
Me: Bye Matt, see you later.
Matt: I’m sorry for doing that I won’t do it again.
Me: Goodbye.
[Goes and deletes him off of my buddy list]


What’s so hard about comprehending our love for the same sex? No, lesbians don’t hate men. No, lesbians shouldn't try sleeping with men to see “what we’re missing” and no, lesbians are not going to “convert” into being straight just for you guys.

Men, if you can’t respect a girl’s love for other girls, then don’t be their friends. If you’re going to act weird about it, then go be friends with some other chick who you can easily bang.